Stay Busy He Said

My therapist suggested I fill my extra time with productive activities. Purposefully, intentionally doing something that would prevent my mind from wandering and causing meltdowns.  Basically to avoid doesn't work, but anyway...


Tuesdays and Thursdays are my light load class days, so on those two days I volunteer at my sons' school.  I do 90 minutes in the morning with Will's class and in the afternoon do 60 minutes with Matty's.  The afternoon volunteer session has me helping the teacher with her upcoming projects for the kiddos.  I am in the classroom, but not really interacting much with the students.  In the morning, I do interact with Will's class, he's in pre-k in a special needs class.  Come January this is where I expect to do my student teaching.  


Volunteering here is good for me in the sense that I get to see the boys and know how they're doing.  I was especially concerned for Will, but he seems to have a better grip than me on being away from me.  I guess it was to be expected since they were in daycare (part time) when I returned to school. 


I study at home at specific times, and Monday and Wednesday I remain on campus studying for 90 or more minutes.  This kills time.  I pick up the boys from Jeremy's parents and we pick up the dog and head home.  This is supposed to help the therapist says 😕 ......his reasoning is if Im busy with the boys, or busy ay home my mind won't wander. Ha! It does....but again, the therapist says if I'm not alone I am less likely to act on it.  Yeah, I pay this man to give me stupid advice.  In theory of course, it's not stupid, but in reality, it's impossible to keep my mind focused on the here and now.  It's hard when I wake up in middle of the night the demons in my head remind me of shit I don't want to remember.  After Girly makes her arrival I will ask to be prescribed a sleeping pill.


149 days sober...59 days delivery, but for minimal class interruption I need her to make her entrance into the world in 63-66 days.  The doctor says that's highly unlikely. In fact he's predicted an early arrival, I guess we'll see what Girly does. 


It's all good.  As good as it gets...

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